Episode 009: For When You’re Learning to Receive

Why does it feel so much harder to accept help than to offer it?

In this week's episode, Kat explores the real cost of always showing up, always delivering, and always giving more than you get. She reflects on the experiences that shaped her drive to overperform and how that mindset stayed with her as she grew into leadership roles and built her business.

Kat shares what it was like to realize that being recognized for results did not always come with the support she needed. She talks about the slow but important shift toward opening herself up to receive care and support.

If you've ever struggled to ask for help, accept support, or step back without guilt, this episode offers a thoughtful and honest look at what it truly means to receive.

Full Transcript

A little while after I launched Afternoon Culture, I led a company through a brand transformation that completely changed its trajectory.

This project was really special because the company  trusted us with every decision and move we wanted to make. We really committed to making the rebrand a success and we gave it everything we had to make sure it hit the mark.

A year after the transformation, the CEO took me to dinner & shared something that stopped me in my tracks. Their revenue had increased by $1 million dollars.

They had invested around $50,000 in our services, which means they saw a 2,000% return on their investment in just 12 months.

This was a massive win and incredibly affirming. I trusted my instincts, and it truly paid off.

But it also made me face a deeper question: How do you allow yourself to receive just as much as you give.

For years, I was comfortable doing whatever it took to see the results I envisioned. But I was also willing to sacrifice and be under-resourced.

In this episode, I want to explore what it really means to receive as fully as you give. Because when you bring high levels of care, commitment and ownership, receiving must be part of the equation too.

Let’s get into it.

Ever since I can remember, I have been a problem solver, a doer, the kind of person doing the most without being asked.

I grew up in a home with my mother and my grandmother, just the three of us. As an only child, I was very independent and matured quickly, which I think is a common experience for many first-generation kids.

I often stepped into responsibilities beyond my years, not because anyone forced me to, but because it felt necessary at the time. I remember giving my grandma her insulin and going with her to doctors’ appointments, taking notes in a little Mead journal at just ten years old.

I was a wildly creative force, surrounded by women whose presence was just as powerful. They were generous, imaginative, and fiercely loyal to the people they loved.

Our home was always full of movement and conversation, people coming through for advice, for comfort, and for care.

By the time I got to high school, I had started channeling that energy into student government. I served as junior class and then senior class president. I was always taking the lead and thinking of ways to improve the environment I was in.

I remember planning prom and realizing the ticket price would be too expensive for many of my classmates. I took my chemistry teacher’s recipes and used my mom’s tools to bake every week and host a weekly bake sale that helped bring the cost down by about 25 percent.

Every Wednesday, I showed up with brownies or cookies and invited classmates who could donate to pitch in.

I loved helping and problem solving, and that energy followed me into adulthood. By the time I left college and started my career, giving and taking action had already become second nature to me.

During my Teach for America days, one of my student’s parents pulled me aside and said something that stuck with me. “Every time I drive by, I see your classroom lights on. I know you care, but you’re young. You deserve to have fun too.”

I brushed it off at the time, but looking back, I think she saw something I wasn’t ready to admit. I was already practicing a kind of over-functioning that I had learned early.

In the early days of Afternoon Culture, I carried that same mindset into the work. I wanted everything we touched to create results. But working with early-stage startups and small businesses often meant we were overloaded and under-resourced.

We made the impossible happen with tiny budgets. I was willing to do the most with the least, and that energy kept showing up because I kept making space for it.

I gained a reputation for being able to get incredible results with very little. And while that was true, it also meant I was running a business that was constantly pushing past its own capacity.

We were under-resourced and over-delivering, not because we were chasing the next win, but because I took deep ownership over the outcomes. I wanted to see things through and make sure we delivered what we promised, no matter what it took.

I was so focused on seeing results and being helpful that I hadn’t taken a real look at how much value I was actually creating. I hadn’t considered what it meant to be someone who moves the needle every time and yet doesn’t stop to ask for the support and resources that work deserves.

I wish I could say that after leading that brand transformation, I learned how to create success without sacrificing myself.

But the truth is, I kept going like that for years just overgiving and over-functioning. Doing and producing felt easier than slowing down and tending to my own needs. Giving kept me feeling strong and needed. Receiving meant being vulnerable and trusting others to show up for me, which felt uncomfortable and even scary.

Moving out of that “default giver” mode wasn’t about doing less. It meant recognizing the patterns that kept me stuck. For a long time, I didn’t know how to receive. I was so used to proving my worth through giving that receiving felt unfamiliar, almost like a weakness or a loss of control.

I had to be honest about the cost of constant overwhelm. It was not just about the chronic  stress. It was survival mode disguised as productivity. I was caught in a cycle where doing and producing was a way to avoid facing what I actually needed.

Making the change to a more strategic and sustainable way of working took deep inner work, discipline, time, money, and plenty of therapy and coaching. I had to rewire my nervous system and set new boundaries. It took time, but eventually, I began to feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time: ease, calm, and spaciousness.

I had to dismantle my identity as the problem solver. I had to learn that my worth is not tied to how much I fix or manage. I had to accept that I am enough, even when I’m not doing anything to prove it.

I am finally in a season that feels radically different. I am surrounded by brilliant, generous women, many of whom have the capacity to offer real support and mentorship.

Your environment plays a huge role in how you show up and engage with others. When you find yourself always giving and rarely receiving, it may be a sign that the energy in your environment is out of balance with what you truly need. Maybe the expectations or the dynamics do not align with your capacity to give and receive in a healthy way.

Receiving is not just about accepting help. It calls you to be vulnerable. It means shifting from constant doing and solving to being emotionally open. It means slowing down, reflecting honestly on what you need, and allowing others the space to support you.

Receiving demands knowing yourself well enough to create room for your needs and resisting the pull of overstimulation in this noisy world.

For me, part of the challenge was worthiness. I was more comfortable giving than receiving because giving felt like proof that I was enough.

Over time, I realized that being a trailblazer takes more than vision and determination. It calls for quiet confidence, clear intention & steady focus.

Without learning to receive,your ability to lead and create impact suffers. Receiving honors your limits and your capacity. It’s what keeps your momentum going and brings the support your mission truly deserves.